Inspired by a lovely dinner with my friend Kelly (where food almost got forgotten and soul food was on the menu instead), I felt the need to expand on the words of Nelson Mandela:
“If people can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart”
In life, there are only ever two options, there are only ever two paths: Love or Fear. There is no middle ground and there is NO grey area. The premise of any action, any decision, any life choice is based on one or the other. From choosing the love of your life, to choosing where to live, right down to picking dessert from a restaurant menu – absolutely every decision you make is governed by ONE of these two important factors. They are the silent background determinants that dictate your life.
Sounds simple enough, but here’s why it gets complicated: Being able to discern love from fear is tricky, mainly because:
Fear can disguise itself as Love.
Love has the potential to be mistaken for the absence of fear. This is a limiting, incomplete form of love which is not the pure, authentic love that is necessary for growth. Pure love is boundless and unconditional, and is not determined by the presence or absence of any external factors.
If, for example, you develop a fear of travel, as a result of being told as a child that the world is not a safe place to be in, you may grow up being less adventurous and less inclined to explore your surroundings. You may perceive this as a ‘love’ of being indoors or a ‘love’ of safe routine. It is, however, love by DEFAULT. It is influenced by a preconceived belief system about the world in general, based on a foundation of fear. So as comfortable, as safe, as warm and as fuzzy as it may feel to stay indoors all day, to someone who has this belief system, these feelings of ‘love’ are actually fear in disguise.
In a similar way, we may be lulled into a false sense of love throughout our lives, based upon limiting beliefs about ourselves and others. We may be in romantic relationships that are unloving, because we have a fear of being alone, or we may stay in unfulfilling jobs for years because we believe we are unable to do better. We may confuse love with ‘playing it safe’ and put a ceiling on our fulfillment, which is effectively a lack of love for ourselves. Fear 1 – Love 0!
Fear is comfortable, Love requires courage.
Following on from the above point, where it may be clear to see that ‘playing it safe’ emotionally may not be a true indicator of authentic love, we move on to another difference between love and fear in an attempt to answer the question – ‘how do we know the difference between the Love and Fear in order to direct our lives?’.
There is no growth without discomfort. Love encourages growth and fear is restrictive. Subsequently, love requires courage and fear is more comfortable (as ironic as that sounds). A comfort zone is a very safe place to be in but in order to expand and grow, through experience (which I believe is the purpose of life), discomfort and pain shouldn’t be ‘avoided at all cost’. They are the true indicators of growth. Having the courage to face and move through adversity, to allow personal growth, is the ultimate act of self love, and self love is the foundation of ALL forms of love. So, remember, just because it is comfortable, doesn’t mean you are on the path of love! And if you are not on the path of love, you are on the path of fear instead.
Fear is programmed into us, Love requires self discovery.
In order to be on the path of love, we go against thousands of years of conditioned thinking patterns. That means that sometimes it is easier to give in to fear. Throughout generations, whether it be justified or not, we have been raised to be fearful of a whole host of things, from actual danger to misconceptions like how we look or dress, and even, think. By being programmed to think and FEEL in a particular way, we lose the ability to do either and authentic love does not disable. Love requires emotional intelligence and self awareness which is not readily taught, or even encouraged, by modern society. Fear, insecurity and a lack of self worth becomes profitable, not just monetarily to large institutions, but even to ourselves, as we convince ourselves that we are benefitting by thinking in a fearful way because we are safer. It’s no wonder that our brains have optimised themselves to ‘hone in’ on fear at any given opportunity. So how do we break the cycles of fear based thinking? By becoming more conscious of our OWN fears, by bringing our ‘darkness’ into the ‘light’, by understanding ourselves and becoming more aware of how we think and then CHOOSING the course of our lives – the path of Love or the path of Fear. Through self awareness we can free ourselves from the bondage of fear and encourage others to do the same.
Love is power, Fear is force.
Being in a loving state should empower and excite you. Fear backs you into a corner and restricts you, forcefully. Love is therefore powerfully expansive and activates desire. In any given situation, choosing love, in the absence of fear, on a strong foundation of self love, directs you towards your passions and your fulfillment, even if it is just choosing a chocolate fudge pudding! This form of thinking aligns you with your natural state of being, your true essence and tunes you into a powerful source of loving energy that guides and directs you towards all you lovingly desire.
Where there is fear, there is no room for love, whether that be directed internally towards yourself or externally towards others. Take some time to consider which platform your thoughts spring from to see which state predominantly operates in you. Above all, you are free to choose the course of your life and, regardless of the pace, we are all headed in the same direction. So what do you choose? Love or Fear?
Find out more about your loving Source energy HERE or visit me at www.RishaJoshi.com
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