Carl is a guy with a lot of willpower, but one thing he can’t do is lose weight. He asks himself time after time ”Why can’t I lose weight” Why can I never accomplish this? How is it that other people manage to lose weight but not me? What Carl isn’t aware of is that he is continuously programming his mind to the state of not succeeding. Why?
Anthony Robbins says “The quality of your questions determine the quality of your life!”
Human-beings are constantly affecting themselves with their thoughts. It is natural for the conscious mind to compare, analyze, criticize, and ask questions. Most of the thinking we do consists of questions we ask ourselves, and the answers we give ourselves. The questions and answers you give yourself affects your state of mind and most of all it affects how you perceive yourself and the world that you live in. It affects feelings like love, fear, joy, creativity, low self-esteem, etc.
A lot of people get surprised when they discover how many negative questions they ask themselves daily. For example ”Why can’t I do this?” Your brain starts searching for all the answers as to why you can’t do this. Answers like ” I’m not smart enough, I’m not strong enough, I’m stupid, etc” These answers won’t help your self-esteem, confidence or your mood.
What you focus upon you’ll get more of.
When you instead ask yourself ”how can I do this?’‘ then the conscious mind and the subconscious mind starts to look for answers and ideas that will make you feel better and much more resourceful.
Let me give you an example. Astrid is in the middle of a conflict at work. When her workday is over she continues the conflict in her head, which again creates negative or uncomfortable emotions. Suddenly she decides that ‘‘Now I have to stop thinking about this. I have to stop thinking of what was said. I’m tired of my thoughts grinding me down in my head all the time’‘. The same thoughts becomes stronger and stronger and Astrid is getting more and more frustrated. Why is she getting more frustrated? Astrid is focusing on is the conflict. Yes, she’s telling herself that she doesn’t want to think about it anymore and that she needs to stop, but her subconscious mind isn’t logical, and it doesn’t understand the difference from what she wants and what she don’t want. The subconscious mind only reacts to your focus (thoughts and feelings), regardless of if they’re positive or negative. Since her thoughts and words are focused upon what she doesn’t want, Astrid isn’t capable of accomplishing a solution to the conflict.
To find the solution to a problem while focusing upon the problem is impossible.
Whilst trying not to think about a problem, we are actually thinking about it. Try not to think about a cat. Do not think about an elephant with pink shoes. Just reading the words makes your brain create a mental picture of a cat and elephant, doesn´t it?
It’s all about asking yourself the right questions. When you from now on begin to ask yourself quality questions, the quality of your thoughts and feelings will change very quickly.
If Astrid had asked herself:
1. What is it that I really want to accomplish and how can I do it?
2: How can I solve this as quick as possible?
3: If the 80-year-old me should have given me advice in this situation what would she have said?
When Astrid asks herself these questions her brain is focussed upon finding a solution and she stops blaming ”others”, and she takes responsibility for herself and her reactions! When you ask yourself quality questions you put yourself in an incredibly powerful and resourceful state. The moment Astrid takes responsibility and realizes that she can change the situation, then her focus becomes positive, because she has chosen to focus upon what she wants – not upon what she doesn’t want. Change the quality of your questions and change your life.
Formulate your questions towards the solution (not the problem):
✓ How can I lose weight? Instead of: why can´t I loose weight?
✓ How can I learn a new language? Instead of: Why can´t I ever learn?
✓ How can I make time for exercise? Instead of: Why can´t I find time for exercise?
✓ How can I feel happier?
✓ How can I improve my confidence?
✓ How can I give even more love?
✓ How can I prioritize my time more effectively?
✓ How can I help people even more?
✓ How can I ask myself good questions from now on?
IMPORTANT!! When you ask yourself ”HOW” It’s not certain the answer will come at once. Then the trick is to ask yourself several times and expect that the answer will come eventually. Have you ever had the experience where you see a person that looks really familiar, but you can’t quite point the finger at where you’ve seen that person before? The answer is on the tip of your tongue, but you can´t seem to remember it? Then you forget about it for a little while, minutes, hours or days…then suddenly you remember. Ask yourself the questions and if the answer doesn’t come at first, just keep asking and let it go, and trust that the answer will come.
Ask bad questions, and create a bad state. Ask quality questions and live a quality life!
From The Heart,
Kenneth Soares
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